5 Weird Things that Turn Me On: On Men and Vegetables
OK, so a quickie list of what I look for in a man because I couldn’t think of anything else to write.
- My ideal man must be a good eater. He has to like whole grain bread, eat most vegetables and want to eat well. Show me a man with a cupboard that contains Raisin Bran or Shredded Wheat or some other non-sugar filled cereal. Show me a man who likes to experiment on new foods. I don’t know what it is about men who eat vegetables, but it turns me on.
Understand, however, he can’t be so much into vegetables that he’s a die hard vegetarian. I do like to eat chicken and fish and cheeseburgers, and if he’s going to lecture me on what to eat we just won’t get along very well. I’m the alpha in the kitchen, and that has to stay that way.
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My ideal man must have straight teeth. I can’t explain this one either. Men with teeth growing out of their ears simply need not apply. It is a turn-off for me.
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My ideal man must want to learn how to please me in bed. Sex is important. If the sex isn’t good the relationship won’t work, so I do believe in premarital sex. I’m not saying it has to be amazing every time, but the man who wants to be with me needs to study up if he doesn’t know what to do or at least be willing to work together on making sex great for both of us.
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My ideal man must be slightly hippy dippy enough to appreciate that I am spiritual but not religious. I am spiritual, I meditate, I sometimes burn incense and bless my house. He needs to be ok with all of that and not ridicule me. Absolutely NO Bible beaters.
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My ideal man should be short.I am only 5′2″ tall, and I like men that are more my size. Anyone 6′ and under is great. This is another weird thing I can’t really explain except that I know that I like that.
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An active man I like men who are active, like to ride their bikes. Bonus points if he does triathlons because then we can exercise together. Active men usually have good bodies, and who doesn’t like that.
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A mechanically adept man Yes. I swoon when there is a man who knows how to work on his own car. It must be some sort of blue collar gene I’ve got, but I love a man who can work with his hands both inside and outside the bedroom. This one isn’t an absolute, however, but something I do appreciate.
(OK, so this is point number six but hey, while I’m at it, I’ll add another.)
So, hopefully, the man of my dreams will realize that he meets all of these criteria and sweep me off my feet, but I’m not holding my breath.
Tags: Men, relationships, sex
October 13th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
OK, let’s try that in reverse, to see the pedantry and misandry (reverse sexism) at work here:
On Women and Vegetables
1. My ideal woman must be a good eater. If she eats white bread, hates vegetables, and doesn’t seem to care what goes into her body, there’s no chance of a relationship. Show me a woman with tempeh in her refrigerator. Show me a woman who likes brown rice. I don’t know what it is about women who eat brown rice, but it turns me on. Understand, however, that if she is a vegan or strict vegetarian, it’s just not going to work out. If she’s he’s going to lecture me like my mother on what to eat, we just won’t get along very well. I’m the alpha in the kitchen, and that has to stay that way.
2. My ideal woman must have straight teeth. Women will be screened out based on the experience level of their previous dentists. Women with missing teeth need not apply.
3. My ideal woman must want to learn how to please me in bed. Sex is really, really important. If she’s terrible in bed, the relationship simply won’t work. I’m not saying it has to be amazing every time, but any woman who wants to be with me needs to study up if she doesn’t know what to do. I recommend “Anal Sex for Beginners” for a start. I have needs!
4. My ideal woman must be flexible enough to understand my reasons for being a fundamentalist Christian. I am spiritual, I read the Good Book daily, I sometimes handle snakes and speak in tongues. She needs to be ok with all of that and not ridicule me. Absolutely NO pagans or Wiccans, please.
5. Short girls are a turn-off. If you’re not at least 6′ tall, please turn right around and go back to where you came from. You need to be at least THIS tall to ride this ride.
6. I like girls who are active, who like to ride their bikes, preferably in bikinis. Active women usually have good bodies, and who doesn’t like that?
7. Mechanically adept women = hottness. I swoon when there is a woman who knows how to fix her own car or burn backup DVDs of her digital photos. It must be some sort of engineer-fetish gene I’ve got, but I love a woman who can work with her hands inside and outside the bedroom. This one isn’t an absolute, however, but when a woman knows the difference between an allen wrench and a drill bit, it’s time to take her home to Mama.
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October 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am
*LOL!* Thanks for writing, Daniel! I love men who are intelligent and speak their mind! Strangely, I don’t understand how you see my post as sexist. Sure I’m prejudiced to non-veggie eaters and the extra tall man etc but I think I still have a pretty wide net. I’d be sexist if I hated *all* men, no?
Honestly, the most important thing for me, is what is between the ears. (Strangely, I didn’t write that in my post though.)
OK…and the vegetable thing. *shrug* I’m a foodie. I love to cook and make things for those I love.
For the record, I’ve got great teeth, tune my own car and love riding my bike.
[Reply]
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Wow, I must be your ideal man. I meet all seven requirements!
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